I felt really bad about my eating today and I know I shouldn’t. We visit my boyfriend’s family once a week which is always on Wednesdays because that’s the only day during the week that none of us work or have classes. My boyfriend’s mother likes to give us too much food (like every latina mom on this planet) and we usually can’t say no because we love food. This Monday we started eating a little better than we’ve done during the last couple of weeks because we’ve felt that it’s gotten a little out of hand. It’s like my sister in law said today: «It’s ok to eat junk when it’s every once in a while, but what do you do when every once in a while becomes every day?» She’s also trying to eat better, but with birthdays and cake at work every day it’s kind of hard. Of course you can say no, but it’s a little sad, isn’t it?
Before going to visit them I had already told my boyfriend that I would have one serving of dessert just so that no one would get upset, and I actually did. But then they had some terrible pears over there that no one wanted to eat and I offered to make a cake with them. So I did. And I had two pieces. Then my mother in law made pão de queijo (cheese bread) as well and I had two of that as well. Just by eating this little «junk» I feel like a failure. I will probably have a little bit of «junk» again on Friday or Saturday, but that’s it. Why can’t I relax and stop thinking that it’s terrible? Why do my brain and I have to be either overly obsessed with what I’m eating or just want to eat everything? Why can’t I be like those people who has a balanced diet and enjoys it? I guess I will always be an everything-or-nothing person. I kind of hate it. It’s good for sticking to a plan, but then when I don’t stick to it, I feel like a complete idiot and weak person. I definitely hate it.
Now I will have some carrots and cucumbers with hummus before going to bed. Maybe I’ll feel a little better. I hope so. At least tomorrow will be a new day.
Does anyone else have similar thoughts? What have you done to stop them?